On Saturday night, if you asked me what todays post was going to be it would have been about our trip to Apple Hill to go Apple Picking on Sunday.
Sunday I woke up, went to clean Bennett’s bottle out and got a wiff of bad milk and was sick for the morning. So, we postponed our trip to Apple Hill. I decided since Bennett’s 1/2 birthday is on Tuesday, I will write about his birth story. Then around 11:30pm as we had just turned off our lights to go to bed. I got a twitter notification letting me know there had been a mass shooting in Las Vegas.
So, when I woke up this morning it didn’t feel right to write out a blog post about my sons birth story. After I got the twitter notification, I searched through twitter and Facebook for all of the information I could get about what was happening. I watched truly heart sinking videos of people dropping to the ground and I cried. At the time the count was 2 dead, 26 injured. I knew already from the footage and the weapon used (clearly audible as an automatic weapon) that when i woke up in the morning those numbers would be higher. I checked to see if anyone I knew was there. (so far, they are all safe) and then Andrew and I discussed what we saw. He asked why people were saying to get down, instead of running. I explained if the shooter is ground level, in a mass shooting he will most likely be shooting level and across. So, people want to get down to be out of the line of fire. We discussed that I thought the shooter, had shot from a room above and then we went to sleep; and sure enough when we woke up the tragedy was even worse than when we got the news. So, I took in the new details and thought about what I wanted to say.
I was 8 when Columbine happened, 10 for 9/11, 16 for Virginia Tech., 22 for Aurora, 23 for Sandy Hook. To just name a few of the horrific mass shootings. From 8 years of age, this fear had become a new normal. From 8 years of age, I had done countless school drills for in case of shooter on campus and had do actively participate in several lockdowns for potential real case scenarios. My mother was a police officer, so it was normal to go over a just in case plan anywhere we went. I was taught to know where my exits are and to be aware of the people surrounding me.
At 26, I had my Son and I found out I could no longer read the news. I wanted to stay up to date and informed and what was going on around me in the world; but everything was so tragic and it made me so unbelievably sad. I was now a mom to a beautiful baby boy and all I wanted to do was protect him from danger. I was sad knowing that this is world him and my future children were going to grow up in. So, for my sanity I stopped actively reading the news and I found I was no longer living this nightmare of anxiety. I got the bits and pieces I needed to know, but I no longer actively sought out the bad. I made a conscience choice to only allow the good into my daily life. At least the good that i could control. Cause realistically I cannot control all the bad in the world, I am aware of that and I am aware that bad will always be in our world, but I can do my part to not be the bad and to teach my kids to be good people.
I know this post is not the most eloquent, but I just kind of wanted to write I guess what is on my mind at the moment. Which is a lot. This is only a small part of it. I am terribly saddened by the tragedy of today, i am saddened that there are people out there that think this terrible violence solves whatever they are trying to solve. I am sad that innocent people, trying to enjoy some country music were killed. I am just sad at the state of our world.